Tuesday, September 27, 2011
dark days
Three years is a long time for anything. But its been almost 3 years since I said goodbye to you. I remember everything from that day. Like a curse that will never go away. Every smell, every drop of sweat, every shot heard over and over again in my head. I blamed myself for so long for what happened. In all reality it should have been me like that. There’s so many things that have happened since that day that made my life a better life. I try to do well by others. It was my second chance. You told me to move to a different spot. 45 seconds difference and who knows. I strive to do the best I can every day. For you, for the guys on the ground. Because I know what they’re going through. I miss you brother, more than you know and thank you Bart
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Hi everyone from Afghanistan!
Its been some time since ive been able to update anything on here. Ive since deployed on my second tour of duty but now im here in Afghanistan. it’s a hell of a lot different than my trip to Iraq a few years ago now. Im now a member of 82nd combat aviation brigade “DUSTOFF” were a medevac company of flight medics who will go in and get the guys on the ground, provide medical aid and get them to a FST (forward surgical team) as quickly as possible. Everything I remember about Iraq was nice and flat and hot as hell, which is just not the case. Right now im at a base with an elevation of 7,500 feet. And I felt it everyday until I grew accustomed to it. It was like gaining 150lbs and running up hills. The elevation just sucked all the energy right out of you. it’s a nice long hike from where we live here to where we work. Ive gotten used to it now/ were surrounded by 10,000 foot mountains all around us, and from what I hear its going to be a miserable winter. I hate the cold. We have run a few calls and until recently it was nice and quiet, but unfortunately that calm is over now. Within seconds were sprinting to the helicopter and suiting up as quickly as possible to get out to the guys who need us the most. Within minutes were racing to get to them because every second counts when your injured. it’s a very orchestrated response, everyone knows exactly what needs to be done and we work as one hell of a team in order to get there as fast as possible. We push the helicopter hard and its like a roller coaster as were going in. We pick up the wounded and rush as fast as we can to the FST while myself and the crew chief are working on the patients in the back. Doing everything from IV therapy, intubations, and surgical interventions in order to keep them alive until we can get to the doctors. Your heart is pumping a million miles an hour. You just want to get there, get him to the help he needs. We can do a lot in the back of an aircraft but not everything. When its over and done im resetting my equipment talking to my crew chief going over everything that we did and making sure were good for the next one. I smoke a cigarette and push it out of my head as best I can, and wait…
Ill be posting some pictures soon hopefully
Take care everyone
Ill be posting some pictures soon hopefully
Take care everyone
Sunday, April 24, 2011
written much better then I ever could
Dear all,
We are dying. Not in some philosophical, chronological, "the end comes for all of us sooner or later" sense. Just dying. Sure, it's an occupational hazard, and yeah, you can get killed walking down the street in Anytown, USA. But not like this. Not car bombs that leave craters in the road, not jeering crowds that celebrate your destruction. We thought we had turned the tide, turned the corner, beaten the defensive rush and were headed upfield, striding into the home stretch. But they are still here. They still strive for our demise. It's never been a fair fight, and we haven't always played nice.
But not like this. No one leaves the gate looking to kill, or looking to die. No one wakes up in the morning and says, "I sure hope blowing up a whole group of Iraqis goes well today." You may be worn out, hounded by hours on end of patrols, investigations, emergency responses, guard shifts, but you never wake up and think, 'today's the day we'll kill a whole bunch of 'em.' Theres no "kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out." That's for suckers and cowards, people afraid to delve into the melee and fight it out, to sort it out like soldiers.
They've killed my friends. And not in some heroic fight to defend sovereign territory, not on some suicide mission to extract a prisoner or save a family in distress. Just standing out directing traffic. Just driving downtown to a meeting. Just going to work. All I can think is, "Those poor bastards. Those poor, poor bastards."
And the opposition, they've damned anyone with the gall to actually leave their homes in the morning, because they've killed their own, too. Indiscriminate is one word. "Callous" does not even suffice. What battle cry says "Damn the 8-year-old boy and his little sister if they're in the area! Damn them all!?" What do you say to your men after you've scraped up the scalps of an entire Iraqi family off the road, right next to the shattered bodies of your soldiers, held together only by their shoelaces, body armor or helmets? "We're fighting the good fight?" I don't think so. Were just fighting. And now we're dying.
It's nothing new, not really. I know what that look is now, the one on the faces of WWII soldiers coming back from a patrol, Vietnam vets standing at the Wall. But now it's us. You know the little blurb from Connie Chung that says "Two Coalition Soldiers were killed at a checkpoint today after a car bomb exploded while waiting in line?" And you think, "ah, just two. At least it wasn't like 30. At least it wasn't in a movie theater, or the town square.
Yeah...I changed my mind about that one. When you sit at the memorial service, gazing down at the display: a pair of laced tan combat boots, a hastily printed 8″10″photo, their service rifle, barrel down, their Kevlar helmet set on top of the buttstock, and you hear their friends say, "he talked about his son every night. Hes two. He can hardly talk but his Dad just knew he would be a great linebacker." Or, "his wife is currently commanding a platoon elsewhere in Iraq. She will accompany the body home but has chosen to return to her own flock, to see them home safely though her husband will not join her. Our thoughts go out to their families." WHAT THOUGHTS?! What do you think? What good will you do knowing this? What help will you be, blubbering in the stands, snot drizzling from your nose, wishing you could have known beforehand, wishing you could have stopped it, pleading to God you could have taken their place, taken the suffering for them?
What do you say to the fathers of the men responsible, when you find them relaxing in their homes the next day, preparing for a meal? Should you simply strike them down for having birthed such an abomination? Or has the teeth-shattering punch in the face crunch of seeing a fallen comrade laid to rest sated your lust for blood and revenge?
Resolve, resolute, resolution, resoluteness. You feel ... compelled, to respond. To what? On whom? Why? Will your children someday say, "I'm sure glad Dad died to make Iraq safer?" No. They died standing with their friends, doing their jobs, fulfilling some far-flung, nearly non-existent notion called duty. They died because their friends could've died just as easily, and knowing that ... they would never shirk their duties, never call in sick, never give in to fear, never let down. When you've held a conversation with a man, briefed him on his mission, his objective and reminded him of the potential consequences during the actioning of it, only to hear he never returned, and did not die gracefully, though blessedly quickly, prayerfully painlessly ... you do not breathe the same ever after. Breath is sweet. Sleep is sweeter. Friends are priceless. And you cry. Theres no point, no gain, no benefit, but you are human and you must mourn. It is your nature.
It is also now undeniable, irrevocable, that you will see your mission through. You will strive every day, you will live, though you are not ever again sure why. Ideals ... are so ... far, far away from the burnt stink of charred metal. I, we, must see it through to the end. They have seen every instant, every mission, every chore, every day through, not to its end but to theirs. How can you ever deny, degrade, desecrate their sacrifice and loss with anything less than all you have? Their lives are lost, whether as a gift, laid down at the feet of their friends, or a pointless discard of precious life ... I doubt I'll ever know.
I'm OK, Mom. I'm just a little ... shaken, a little sad. I know this isnt any Divine mission. No God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha or other divinity ever decreed "Go get your body ripped to shreds, it's for the better." This is Man's doing. This is Man's War. And War it is. It is not fair, nor right, nor simple ... nor is it over. I wish the presence of those responsible only to dissipate, to transform into average citizens, fathers, sons and brothers. I don't care about bloodlust, justice or revenge. But they ... they ... will not rest until our souls are wiped from this plane of existence, until we no longer exist in their world. Nothing less suffices. And so we will fight. I will not waiver, nor falter. Many of my fellows will cry for no mercy, no compassion. For those responsible, for those whose goal is destruction purely for effect, death only as a message, for whom killing is a means of communication, I cannot promise we, or I, will give pardon. With all, we will be harsh, and strict, but not unjust, not indiscriminate. And we will not give up. We cannot. Our lives are forever tied to those lost, and we cannot leave them now, as we might have were they still living.
We have ... so little time ... to mourn, so little time to sigh, to breathe, to laugh, to remember. To forget. Every day awaits us, impatient, impending. So now we rise, shunning tears, biting back trembling lips and stifling sobs of grief ... and we walk, shoulder to shoulder ... to the Call of Duty, in tribute to the Fallen.
John
This is a letter that Sgt John McCary wrote to his mother during his time in Iraq. I love this letter...
We are dying. Not in some philosophical, chronological, "the end comes for all of us sooner or later" sense. Just dying. Sure, it's an occupational hazard, and yeah, you can get killed walking down the street in Anytown, USA. But not like this. Not car bombs that leave craters in the road, not jeering crowds that celebrate your destruction. We thought we had turned the tide, turned the corner, beaten the defensive rush and were headed upfield, striding into the home stretch. But they are still here. They still strive for our demise. It's never been a fair fight, and we haven't always played nice.
But not like this. No one leaves the gate looking to kill, or looking to die. No one wakes up in the morning and says, "I sure hope blowing up a whole group of Iraqis goes well today." You may be worn out, hounded by hours on end of patrols, investigations, emergency responses, guard shifts, but you never wake up and think, 'today's the day we'll kill a whole bunch of 'em.' Theres no "kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out." That's for suckers and cowards, people afraid to delve into the melee and fight it out, to sort it out like soldiers.
They've killed my friends. And not in some heroic fight to defend sovereign territory, not on some suicide mission to extract a prisoner or save a family in distress. Just standing out directing traffic. Just driving downtown to a meeting. Just going to work. All I can think is, "Those poor bastards. Those poor, poor bastards."
And the opposition, they've damned anyone with the gall to actually leave their homes in the morning, because they've killed their own, too. Indiscriminate is one word. "Callous" does not even suffice. What battle cry says "Damn the 8-year-old boy and his little sister if they're in the area! Damn them all!?" What do you say to your men after you've scraped up the scalps of an entire Iraqi family off the road, right next to the shattered bodies of your soldiers, held together only by their shoelaces, body armor or helmets? "We're fighting the good fight?" I don't think so. Were just fighting. And now we're dying.
It's nothing new, not really. I know what that look is now, the one on the faces of WWII soldiers coming back from a patrol, Vietnam vets standing at the Wall. But now it's us. You know the little blurb from Connie Chung that says "Two Coalition Soldiers were killed at a checkpoint today after a car bomb exploded while waiting in line?" And you think, "ah, just two. At least it wasn't like 30. At least it wasn't in a movie theater, or the town square.
Yeah...I changed my mind about that one. When you sit at the memorial service, gazing down at the display: a pair of laced tan combat boots, a hastily printed 8″10″photo, their service rifle, barrel down, their Kevlar helmet set on top of the buttstock, and you hear their friends say, "he talked about his son every night. Hes two. He can hardly talk but his Dad just knew he would be a great linebacker." Or, "his wife is currently commanding a platoon elsewhere in Iraq. She will accompany the body home but has chosen to return to her own flock, to see them home safely though her husband will not join her. Our thoughts go out to their families." WHAT THOUGHTS?! What do you think? What good will you do knowing this? What help will you be, blubbering in the stands, snot drizzling from your nose, wishing you could have known beforehand, wishing you could have stopped it, pleading to God you could have taken their place, taken the suffering for them?
What do you say to the fathers of the men responsible, when you find them relaxing in their homes the next day, preparing for a meal? Should you simply strike them down for having birthed such an abomination? Or has the teeth-shattering punch in the face crunch of seeing a fallen comrade laid to rest sated your lust for blood and revenge?
Resolve, resolute, resolution, resoluteness. You feel ... compelled, to respond. To what? On whom? Why? Will your children someday say, "I'm sure glad Dad died to make Iraq safer?" No. They died standing with their friends, doing their jobs, fulfilling some far-flung, nearly non-existent notion called duty. They died because their friends could've died just as easily, and knowing that ... they would never shirk their duties, never call in sick, never give in to fear, never let down. When you've held a conversation with a man, briefed him on his mission, his objective and reminded him of the potential consequences during the actioning of it, only to hear he never returned, and did not die gracefully, though blessedly quickly, prayerfully painlessly ... you do not breathe the same ever after. Breath is sweet. Sleep is sweeter. Friends are priceless. And you cry. Theres no point, no gain, no benefit, but you are human and you must mourn. It is your nature.
It is also now undeniable, irrevocable, that you will see your mission through. You will strive every day, you will live, though you are not ever again sure why. Ideals ... are so ... far, far away from the burnt stink of charred metal. I, we, must see it through to the end. They have seen every instant, every mission, every chore, every day through, not to its end but to theirs. How can you ever deny, degrade, desecrate their sacrifice and loss with anything less than all you have? Their lives are lost, whether as a gift, laid down at the feet of their friends, or a pointless discard of precious life ... I doubt I'll ever know.
I'm OK, Mom. I'm just a little ... shaken, a little sad. I know this isnt any Divine mission. No God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha or other divinity ever decreed "Go get your body ripped to shreds, it's for the better." This is Man's doing. This is Man's War. And War it is. It is not fair, nor right, nor simple ... nor is it over. I wish the presence of those responsible only to dissipate, to transform into average citizens, fathers, sons and brothers. I don't care about bloodlust, justice or revenge. But they ... they ... will not rest until our souls are wiped from this plane of existence, until we no longer exist in their world. Nothing less suffices. And so we will fight. I will not waiver, nor falter. Many of my fellows will cry for no mercy, no compassion. For those responsible, for those whose goal is destruction purely for effect, death only as a message, for whom killing is a means of communication, I cannot promise we, or I, will give pardon. With all, we will be harsh, and strict, but not unjust, not indiscriminate. And we will not give up. We cannot. Our lives are forever tied to those lost, and we cannot leave them now, as we might have were they still living.
We have ... so little time ... to mourn, so little time to sigh, to breathe, to laugh, to remember. To forget. Every day awaits us, impatient, impending. So now we rise, shunning tears, biting back trembling lips and stifling sobs of grief ... and we walk, shoulder to shoulder ... to the Call of Duty, in tribute to the Fallen.
John
This is a letter that Sgt John McCary wrote to his mother during his time in Iraq. I love this letter...
Saturday, April 9, 2011
state of the nation
Im writing this a day after the federal government shutdown was adverted, one hour before the dead line. I felt somewhat compelled to write something about this since it directly effected me. I received a text message from a friend stating to check my LES (leave and earnings statement) because their paycheck had already been cut in half. With the shutdown looming this meant that federal employees and more importantly myself would not be paid. We were to report to work without pay for the duration of the government shutdown. We were told that we would be “back paid ” once the funding of the budget was restored. This could have potentially lasted until September. So my question is this…What the hell would we have done with out pay? Granted im sure there would have been some leeway given to us from our renters however that couldn’t have lasted forever. Eventually one would be evicted from their homes or their houses would have been foreclosed. Debt would have sky rocketed, and providing that life essential needs would have been non existent. If a soldier is unable to provide for his or her family, how are they supposed to live? This obviously set off a lot of panic in people. I heard many times that “if they’re not going to pay me then im not coming to work” and I completely agree with that. You are paid for services rendered, and in some instances they work their asses off in order to get that paycheck, which in reality isn’t that much to begin with. My question is this, what would happen if you really didn’t show up for work in the army. You would risk everything, including dishonorable discharge from the military due to failure to follow a direct order to come to work. Now granted this is a severe punishment but not completely out of the picture. It is possible. That’s a scary thought.
I received a text message from a superior yesterday saying that we should all check our LES because of the half pay problem that I was already aware of. At the end of it, it said “thanks to the democrats this is happening”. Im not exactly sure why I reacted this why but it really set something off inside me. I was unusually upset that with the delivery of this pertinent information they decided to throw in they’re two cents about which party was to blame. Ive given up on the idea of democrat or republican in the power struggle. Both sides are equally to blame for this but not only just the two sides but all politicians are to blame for this. Each side presents their own ideologies and is concrete in the fact that they are right and the other “side” is wrong. The problem lies in this, both sides are no longer serving the people. This class warfare is tearing our country apart. Simple discussions spark enormous rage and lashing out and anyone who thinks differently then they do. This is happening on every level. The line is obviously drawn in the sand. When does a party stop serving the people and start focusing on furthering they’re own agendas. Both sides are doing it. Democrats, Republicans, the Tea Party, George Bush, Sarah Palin, Barrack Obama, they all fucking scare the hell out of me. No one seems to be looking out for the best interest of the country as a whole. Only furthering they’re sides political agenda. This will never bring a country together. I fear we are falling apart, and have been for a long time. There is something in the air now that I never felt a few years ago…its palpable. You can feel the tension. So where do we go from here? Do we continue to pick our sides and ignore the bigger picture? Do we stick to our guns, and screw the rest? Or can we ever work together? The sad thing is, im not sure we can…
I received a text message from a superior yesterday saying that we should all check our LES because of the half pay problem that I was already aware of. At the end of it, it said “thanks to the democrats this is happening”. Im not exactly sure why I reacted this why but it really set something off inside me. I was unusually upset that with the delivery of this pertinent information they decided to throw in they’re two cents about which party was to blame. Ive given up on the idea of democrat or republican in the power struggle. Both sides are equally to blame for this but not only just the two sides but all politicians are to blame for this. Each side presents their own ideologies and is concrete in the fact that they are right and the other “side” is wrong. The problem lies in this, both sides are no longer serving the people. This class warfare is tearing our country apart. Simple discussions spark enormous rage and lashing out and anyone who thinks differently then they do. This is happening on every level. The line is obviously drawn in the sand. When does a party stop serving the people and start focusing on furthering they’re own agendas. Both sides are doing it. Democrats, Republicans, the Tea Party, George Bush, Sarah Palin, Barrack Obama, they all fucking scare the hell out of me. No one seems to be looking out for the best interest of the country as a whole. Only furthering they’re sides political agenda. This will never bring a country together. I fear we are falling apart, and have been for a long time. There is something in the air now that I never felt a few years ago…its palpable. You can feel the tension. So where do we go from here? Do we continue to pick our sides and ignore the bigger picture? Do we stick to our guns, and screw the rest? Or can we ever work together? The sad thing is, im not sure we can…
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
a little bit of an update
Hi everyone,
I know its been some time since I have posted anything, Things have been crazy to say the least. So ill leave you with a little update.
I have finally gotten away from the hell hole known as Fort Sill, Oklahoma. Now don’t get me wrong, ill miss a lot of those people that I met but that place really dragged me down. I was able to increase my knowledge but as I soon found out shortly after I left there could have been a lot more learning going on in that place. Theres no trust in medics there. Everything is run by hospital staff and I fell by the wayside. Medics were not important there. There was no progress being made, in fact it was the opposite. I lost a lot of tactical medical knowledge. But none the less I left, on to bigger and better things. I actually got to go back to being a medic. It was a good experience to show me that I should stay away from those types of postings. I left with no PCS award for my year and a half of hard work there and hardly a thank you from my supervisor…good riddance. Like I said im off to bigger and better things.
I was off to Flight medic school. I packed all of my belongings into a 4 x 8 trailer and off I went for Alabama. That was the furthest I had ever driven by myself. It finally turned out to be a 16 hour drive through thunderstorms, pouring rain and tornados but I made it. I made it to a small base in the middle of no where to learn everything I could about being a flight medic. It was a remote base with very little to do off base. We were staffed in a small run down Econolodge, of course there wasn’t much better in the area so I guess we had to do the best with what we got. As soon as day one started it was “drink through a fire hose”. There was so much information passed to us that it was completely overwhelming. Before I got there I felt I was a pretty damn good medic. That quickly changed as our first day drew to a close. Its not that they made us feel dumb by any means, but it was like going from little league to the majors in about a week. A very sobering experience when your dealing with the reality of a lot of the situations that we will be faced with. Were the only medical authority up there and when everything goes to hell in a handbag you have to know what to do to try to save that persons life. So everyday we started at 0530 and ended at about 5 pm then went back to our rooms and studied in our teams for another few hours. There was so much stress on us but we handled it the best we could. 18 hour days can really get to you after awhile. It was relentless for 26 days. Now 26 days might not sound like a long time to learn the things we learned but it was grueling and challenging but also very rewarding. My job will consist of a lot of different aspects. When a soldier or local national that gets injured on the battle field will be treated by the ground medic by basic medical aid then they call in a “9 line” its basically a call for us to come get him and take him to a higher level of care. We scramble and fly to go get him, often while the fight is still going on. Well fly into a landing zone under fire to get him, package him up and get him on that helicopter and fly him to the right hospital. While in flight we can push medications, and perform medical interventions that normally would only be done by a physician, in hopes that we can save his life. Its high stress but a justified stress if that makes any sense. We graduated with 6 less than we started with, and were awarded our flight wings. Then it was off to North Carolina for my next duty station.
Another 12 hour drive and I arrived in a very different North Carolina then I expected. I knew things were going to be drastically different but little did I know what was ahead of me. I dropped off all my stuff in a storage unit and was met by an old friend from my first duty station. I stayed at his place for the night and was on a plane home the next morning bright and early. I arrived at the airport to see my beautiful fiancé. We were to get married while I was home, nothing big, just small and quick with only a few people. It was absolutely amazing, she looked beautiful and we were married by my best friend at a small winery. I will remember that day for the rest of my life, the way she looked, the way the sun was, the way the wine tasted, the big white flower in her hair. I was on cloud 9.
After my short time at home it was back on a plane and back to Fort Bragg. I started my in processing into the base and my unit. Ill admit I was overwhelmed at first, this place works a lot differently than any other place ive been before. There’s a hell of a lot of pride here. I found an apartment to move into in a nice area away from all the mess of the downtown area, its pretty close to my airfield too. I Started flying not too long later and there’s a lot to know about flying as well. Theres a lot to know and a lot to do, its not just a taxi ride for us, we have to constantly be working while were flying. Soon my wife Wendi arrived here and I couldn’t be happier that she got here.
There’s a road that im on that will be here shortly. In 4 months ill be in Afghanistan for over a year, and its expected to be pretty busy…unfortunately. To be honest I am nervous about this deployment, my last one was a lot different. I lost a great friend on my last one. Now im going to be seeing a lot more…multiple per day. I know its going to be emotionally draining and test everything that I am but I think im up for it. This is what I worked so hard for such a long time. I hope im still as passionate about it toward the end as I am now. I feel awful about leaving my wife but she’s an incredible woman and she will make it through anything.
So there you have it… not too much detail but a lot going on. I hope your all doing well and you should be hearing more from me as the deployment approaches. Time to keep this going for another deployment…
I know its been some time since I have posted anything, Things have been crazy to say the least. So ill leave you with a little update.
I have finally gotten away from the hell hole known as Fort Sill, Oklahoma. Now don’t get me wrong, ill miss a lot of those people that I met but that place really dragged me down. I was able to increase my knowledge but as I soon found out shortly after I left there could have been a lot more learning going on in that place. Theres no trust in medics there. Everything is run by hospital staff and I fell by the wayside. Medics were not important there. There was no progress being made, in fact it was the opposite. I lost a lot of tactical medical knowledge. But none the less I left, on to bigger and better things. I actually got to go back to being a medic. It was a good experience to show me that I should stay away from those types of postings. I left with no PCS award for my year and a half of hard work there and hardly a thank you from my supervisor…good riddance. Like I said im off to bigger and better things.
I was off to Flight medic school. I packed all of my belongings into a 4 x 8 trailer and off I went for Alabama. That was the furthest I had ever driven by myself. It finally turned out to be a 16 hour drive through thunderstorms, pouring rain and tornados but I made it. I made it to a small base in the middle of no where to learn everything I could about being a flight medic. It was a remote base with very little to do off base. We were staffed in a small run down Econolodge, of course there wasn’t much better in the area so I guess we had to do the best with what we got. As soon as day one started it was “drink through a fire hose”. There was so much information passed to us that it was completely overwhelming. Before I got there I felt I was a pretty damn good medic. That quickly changed as our first day drew to a close. Its not that they made us feel dumb by any means, but it was like going from little league to the majors in about a week. A very sobering experience when your dealing with the reality of a lot of the situations that we will be faced with. Were the only medical authority up there and when everything goes to hell in a handbag you have to know what to do to try to save that persons life. So everyday we started at 0530 and ended at about 5 pm then went back to our rooms and studied in our teams for another few hours. There was so much stress on us but we handled it the best we could. 18 hour days can really get to you after awhile. It was relentless for 26 days. Now 26 days might not sound like a long time to learn the things we learned but it was grueling and challenging but also very rewarding. My job will consist of a lot of different aspects. When a soldier or local national that gets injured on the battle field will be treated by the ground medic by basic medical aid then they call in a “9 line” its basically a call for us to come get him and take him to a higher level of care. We scramble and fly to go get him, often while the fight is still going on. Well fly into a landing zone under fire to get him, package him up and get him on that helicopter and fly him to the right hospital. While in flight we can push medications, and perform medical interventions that normally would only be done by a physician, in hopes that we can save his life. Its high stress but a justified stress if that makes any sense. We graduated with 6 less than we started with, and were awarded our flight wings. Then it was off to North Carolina for my next duty station.
Another 12 hour drive and I arrived in a very different North Carolina then I expected. I knew things were going to be drastically different but little did I know what was ahead of me. I dropped off all my stuff in a storage unit and was met by an old friend from my first duty station. I stayed at his place for the night and was on a plane home the next morning bright and early. I arrived at the airport to see my beautiful fiancé. We were to get married while I was home, nothing big, just small and quick with only a few people. It was absolutely amazing, she looked beautiful and we were married by my best friend at a small winery. I will remember that day for the rest of my life, the way she looked, the way the sun was, the way the wine tasted, the big white flower in her hair. I was on cloud 9.
After my short time at home it was back on a plane and back to Fort Bragg. I started my in processing into the base and my unit. Ill admit I was overwhelmed at first, this place works a lot differently than any other place ive been before. There’s a hell of a lot of pride here. I found an apartment to move into in a nice area away from all the mess of the downtown area, its pretty close to my airfield too. I Started flying not too long later and there’s a lot to know about flying as well. Theres a lot to know and a lot to do, its not just a taxi ride for us, we have to constantly be working while were flying. Soon my wife Wendi arrived here and I couldn’t be happier that she got here.
There’s a road that im on that will be here shortly. In 4 months ill be in Afghanistan for over a year, and its expected to be pretty busy…unfortunately. To be honest I am nervous about this deployment, my last one was a lot different. I lost a great friend on my last one. Now im going to be seeing a lot more…multiple per day. I know its going to be emotionally draining and test everything that I am but I think im up for it. This is what I worked so hard for such a long time. I hope im still as passionate about it toward the end as I am now. I feel awful about leaving my wife but she’s an incredible woman and she will make it through anything.
So there you have it… not too much detail but a lot going on. I hope your all doing well and you should be hearing more from me as the deployment approaches. Time to keep this going for another deployment…
Sunday, September 12, 2010
SPC Christopher Akin
There is something to be said about the loss of a comrade. Regardless of how he fell, there is something that we all went through together the will eternally tie us all together. This is the story of my experiences with taking a fallen soldier home.
Christopher Akin was a fellow soldier, we served in Iraq together and although we didn’t have much contact he was still considered one of our family. A large family that went though hell together. We all suffered together and with most times a smile on our faces. We all carry the scars of our experiences with us for the rest of our lives, it is forever a part of us.
Akins military service was held on Thursday, September 2nd. I was asked to speak with other members of the command. Myself and his team leader printed pictures and framed them to be displayed. We were running around trying to get this ready, but we kept saying that we have to do it right. He has to be represented the right way, and the typical remembrance photo just wasn’t going to cut it. A fellow soldier had taken several great pictures of his platoon, and with Akin being his platoon medic there were several of him during the deployment. The pictures were great and they depicted him in a way that showed that even on a long patrol he could still have a smile on his face. I took those pictures from my friend Soto’s website and had them blown up, we framed them and placed them behind the boots, rifle and helmet that we all hate to see assembled that way. We nodded at each other in approval and began final preparations for the service.
Dress green uniform, polished medals, perfect creases. I just kept saying you can get through it. Hold it together and do it right…for him, for his guys, for his family. His family was going to see a taping of the service. I really didn’t want to break down standing up there in front of people. I started to realize that there were so many people that arrived to show their support. More and more showed until it was a full house in the chapel. The opening words were said by the Chaplin, then our command team, then two fellow soldiers that worked with him. Then it was my turn…nervous, and uneasy, I said this…
“ For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Eric Williams. I served in Iraq with Christopher in a volatile area known as Sadr City. Akin was a line medic in 2nd platoon and I was a line medic in 3rd platoon. We saw each other on a daily basis and worked alongside each other. He could always be found reading a book or listening to music or any of the thousand different thing we try to do to pass the time while deployed. He was always a mild mannered, very laid back kinda guy. Nothing really got him too worked up and he was certainly never high strung. I never saw him bent out of shape even though it would have been so easy for us to become that way. Akin always preformed above and beyond. Sometimes other soldiers don’t understand how hard line medics work, but I do. I know he went on more patrols and worked harder then anyone to make sure the men that were his responsibility never saw any harm come to them. He was supremely dedicated to his mission. Something that I know he felt very passionately about. I know this because we talked about it, we talked about how we would handle a certain situation if it ever came up. And once again he was in the books, studying, learning more so that it could be put to use if ever needed.
We were the only medics in our battalion to receive orders to come to Fort Sill, and although we were both stationed at the same place and in the same command. We rarely saw each other. Opposite schedules made it difficult to see him. I never knew about any of the internal struggles that he was dealing with. I wish that I had, maybe we could have talked. Im reminded of a quote I once heard. “War is waste and chaos, that’s what it is. it’s the most profound waste of life, time, sprit and treasure know to man. War is an obscenity and we say however that it is preferable to subjugation, and it is. The time and place and cause of war however we may characterize it is most times beyond our control and they are most certainty beyond the control of a soldier. All Soldiers suffer in war and their families suffer equally”. SPC Akin lost his war, and we are left to wonder why. We may never know. It is not our place to remember how he fell, but rather to remember how he lived. To remember the memories that we shared with him. Ive talked extensively with members of his platoon, and they are just as shocked as I am. But I am comforted by one thing. The fact that immediately after hearing the news, our brotherhood banded together to remember his life. We shared stories of conversations and adventures we have all had. I can only hope that you too will be able to remember his life and share a story. My thoughts are with his family during this difficult time. From everyone at Meddac, our family at 1-6INF and his platoon, the Hooligans, you will be missed, more than you could know. Gone but never forgotten…”
I had actually gotten through it. I did it right. The final remarks were made and we filed down and rendered our final salute. With a grasp of his hanging dog tags off of his rifle I placed our deployment patch at his boots and finally walked away. It was very hard to keep it together through all of that but I had done it. Little did I know that this would not be the end of my journey.
I had brought it to the attention of the command that I was willing to escort the body home if needed, that it would be my honor. The response I got was that I would have to pay my own way. The reason for this was that there was already an escort and there only needed to be one. We talked about it and I was just not going to be able to afford the flight. The senior NCO, who was the escort, said that he would pay for half of the flight so that I could go. I was in shock. The flight was ultimately paid for by the command so that I could go as well. Right after the service we went to a building and talked to mortuary affairs. We received our briefing about how everything was handled and all the paper work involved. Believe me there was a lot of paper work involved. This was going to be one hell of a process with a lot of moving parts. But somehow everything would work out.
We left Saturday morning at 0730. It was an hour and a half trip up to the funeral home where Akin was staying. Once we arrived, we were greeted by the staff, led into a large area where the casket already was. We had to verify the body, which we had to do several times, its part of the process. His dress uniform was draped over the body and was perfect, everything was where it should be. The casket was closed and was draped with the flag, a salute was rendered and Christopher was loaded into the back of the hearse. From that moment on we never left Akins side. We would be with him for his entire trip home. With the NCO in the front seat and me following in my truck behind we departed for the airport.
Its impossible not to notice the reaction from people as you pass by. They immediately knew what happened. Almost everyone slowed down and did not pass us. They let Christopher go first, Simi trucks flashed their hazards, and for the short time to the airport, Christopher led the way. We were escorted into a back area where cargo hangers were all in line. We unloaded the casket and took him to a waiting area while the plane was prepared for departure. While he was unloaded a salute was rendered, and as we turned around and began walking with the casket I noticed the cargo workers. Not a lot of them maybe 3 or 4, but they were all standing there as we walked into the holding area. One at a time we were led through the back areas of the terminals so that we could check in and then return back to the holding area. One at a time so that Christopher was never alone.
About an hour went by as we were waiting for the plane to arrive and be prepared. The ground crew introduced themselves and explained what was to be expected so that we were never out of the loop. We were told that all the passengers baggage would be loaded but the passengers would be held at the gate. We were taken one by one to the plane down the tarmac, we were positioned to the side of the ramp and met by several southwest workers as well as the Captain of the flight. With the utmost respect the casket was loaded onto the ramp and began to move up toward the plane, again a salute was rendered and the casket was secured in the belly of the plane. As I turned around I noticed that there were several people watching from the terminal windows, standing, no one moved. We were led up the stairs and into the plane, we were the first ones on. After everyone was on board the captain come over the PA system. He introduced himself and told the passengers the typical flight information. Then he said that he was honored to be transporting Christopher Akin home. Ill be honest, I got a little choked up.
As we landed in Kansas City, MO the pilot again came over the PA system and asked that the passengers remain seated so that we may get off the plane. We were led down the stairs again and stood next to the ramp. We rendered our salutes as the casket came down the ramp. As we stepped away you couldn’t help but notice everyone standing there watching. Workers removed their hats and stood in silence. We were escorted to another hanger where we would wait for our connecting flight. We waited for word that the next plane was on the ground. I remember calling my mother, telling her I was in Kansas City. I told her I was blown away by the support and professionalism of the staff here. I told her I better go cause we would be moving soon, and shortly after hanging up we were on our way towards the next plane.
Again a salute was rendered and Akin was loaded into the plane. The Captain was on the ground with us and also saluted. We were soon airborne and in route to Nashville TN. We knew that there was going to be an Honor Guard when we arrived but knew little else. Like I said before there were many moving parts. Several different groups all working together. Once we landed, again everyone remained on the plane and we were escorted down to the ground. TSA had their own honor guard on the ground. The workers climbed into the plane and prepared his casket. They refused to let him come down on the ramp. Six men carried him down. They placed the casket and escorted him to another hanger where the honor guard was waiting. The casket was carried by the honor guard to the center of the hanger and honors were rendered. This was the first time I saw the family. I was really nervous about the reaction of the family to us, but as I watched his mother, Father and Sister walk forward towards that flag draped coffin I started to loose it. I remember thinking “keep it together, don’t do that here” and I bit the inside of my cheek. I watched that family’s pain and agony as they saw their son in a casket. Now I don’t have any children so I can only imagine what they were going through but they’re faces said it all. My heart just broke for them. There was a small ceremony held there with several family and friends. Everyone came up and paid their respects. Then Akin was loaded into the hearse and we started the long trip back to Paducah, KY.
Paducah was about 2 hours away from Nashville. We started up the highway with about 8 cars in a row. It was a long trip up but we got to the funeral home and the honor guard unloaded the casket and headed inside. Once we were inside we again verified the body and made final corrections to the uniform that was draped over the body. No one would see the uniform but we made sure that it was perfect. Once the casket was closed, the family was escorted in and allowed to spend time with him. His Mother and Father approached us and thanked us. The NCO that was with me said some of the kindest words one could possibly say in that situation. I was blown away and for someone who was extremely nervous about that moment handled himself with grace and compassion that I have never seen. I know that must have been very hard for him, but more so for the family. All I could do was offer my condolences, I don’t have the capability that he does. The funeral home was littered with flowers from family and friends. Soon we were headed to our hotel for the night. Akin would be staying in the funeral home over night until the service in the morning. We checked in and changed, soon we were headed to get some food. It was much needed, we hadn’t gotten the chance to eat all day. The day had drawn to a close and I think I feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I knew the next day was going to be just as hard.
We woke up and got dressed again for the service. We made our way to the funeral home and opened the viewing hall where the casket had stayed all night. The family had beaten us there and were already inside. I don’t think I could have even left if I was them. I told them that I had served with Akin in Iraq, and told them some stories that I remembered about him. For the first time I saw his father smile. It was a relief to see that, if only for a second.
One by one family and friends funneled into the hall and walked by to pay their respects. We sat in the very back as to let them family pay their respects. It wasn’t important that we were there. But still we never left him. I noticed that the patriot guard riders outside maybe 2 dozen of them or so. For those of you that are not familiar with who the patriot guard riders are, they are a group of riders that escort fallen soldiers and public service members to their final resting place. They also were there for the funeral of my friend Bart who fell in combat. I walked out and thanked them for what they do. I think it is an incredible service they do out of the kindness of their hearts. It was soon time to head over to the church for the mass that they were to hold. The honor guard came and carried the casket and loaded it into the hearse while we saluted. The patriot guard riders were already in place and there was also a police escort. Once we started moving, the police stopped traffic and stepped out of their patrol cars and saluted as Christopher passed. The procession was moving very slowly down the street. And although we didn’t have far to go every vehicle pulled over and stopped as we passed. Some people got out of their cars and stood. As we turned into the church another officer saluted and the patriot guard riders led us into the entrance. The casket was removed by the honor guard and led into the church where mass was held for the family. We stood at attention in the entrance while the service went on. Once the service was over we moved Christopher outside where Taps was played and a 21 gun salute. I tried to keep it together but Taps always gets me. The flag was folded and presented to the mother. Christopher was then carried and loaded into the hearse and taken back to the funeral home.
It was one of the hardest things to go through but it was a very humbling and honoring to be a part of it. But for now it was over, we went back to the hotel and changed and went out for some food. I was joined by 3 guys that were in his platoon. I cant tell you how amazing it was to see these guys after a year of being gone. We drank and smoked and shared stories all night and I can honestly say it was one of the best nights that ive had in a very long time. We all went through war together and no one else can understand what you’ve been through except those that were next to you. I had a Great night, funny how such joy can come from such sorrow. But that’s the way our life is, something tragic can bring brothers back together and remind us of what is important in life.
It was back to Oklahoma for me the next morning and it was a pretty long trip. But I had a lot of time to reflect on what I had been through. Not every Soldier gets the opportunity to go through what I had gone through. Its not something that should be sought out but it is an honor. it’s a horrible thing to know that a Soldier fell but the grace and humility of what I witnessed was far beyond anything I ever expected. I witnessed true human compassion in its purest form. I watched a family that went through the worst experience of their life still smile and embrace the hardship with grace and love and compassion. They are an incredible family and I am still in awe of them. Also if anyone of them reads this I want them to know that if there is anything they need all they need is ask.
In closing I want you to maybe understand what goes into something like this. I wanted to tell a story of travel and human interaction. Were all so busy with our own lives and we grow unconcerned with everyone around us, But I witnessed so much respect and caring from everyone that we encountered. But most of all, This is a story about Christopher Akin and his final trip home. He was our brother and he will never be forgotten….
Eric
Christopher Akin was a fellow soldier, we served in Iraq together and although we didn’t have much contact he was still considered one of our family. A large family that went though hell together. We all suffered together and with most times a smile on our faces. We all carry the scars of our experiences with us for the rest of our lives, it is forever a part of us.
Akins military service was held on Thursday, September 2nd. I was asked to speak with other members of the command. Myself and his team leader printed pictures and framed them to be displayed. We were running around trying to get this ready, but we kept saying that we have to do it right. He has to be represented the right way, and the typical remembrance photo just wasn’t going to cut it. A fellow soldier had taken several great pictures of his platoon, and with Akin being his platoon medic there were several of him during the deployment. The pictures were great and they depicted him in a way that showed that even on a long patrol he could still have a smile on his face. I took those pictures from my friend Soto’s website and had them blown up, we framed them and placed them behind the boots, rifle and helmet that we all hate to see assembled that way. We nodded at each other in approval and began final preparations for the service.
Dress green uniform, polished medals, perfect creases. I just kept saying you can get through it. Hold it together and do it right…for him, for his guys, for his family. His family was going to see a taping of the service. I really didn’t want to break down standing up there in front of people. I started to realize that there were so many people that arrived to show their support. More and more showed until it was a full house in the chapel. The opening words were said by the Chaplin, then our command team, then two fellow soldiers that worked with him. Then it was my turn…nervous, and uneasy, I said this…
“ For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Eric Williams. I served in Iraq with Christopher in a volatile area known as Sadr City. Akin was a line medic in 2nd platoon and I was a line medic in 3rd platoon. We saw each other on a daily basis and worked alongside each other. He could always be found reading a book or listening to music or any of the thousand different thing we try to do to pass the time while deployed. He was always a mild mannered, very laid back kinda guy. Nothing really got him too worked up and he was certainly never high strung. I never saw him bent out of shape even though it would have been so easy for us to become that way. Akin always preformed above and beyond. Sometimes other soldiers don’t understand how hard line medics work, but I do. I know he went on more patrols and worked harder then anyone to make sure the men that were his responsibility never saw any harm come to them. He was supremely dedicated to his mission. Something that I know he felt very passionately about. I know this because we talked about it, we talked about how we would handle a certain situation if it ever came up. And once again he was in the books, studying, learning more so that it could be put to use if ever needed.
We were the only medics in our battalion to receive orders to come to Fort Sill, and although we were both stationed at the same place and in the same command. We rarely saw each other. Opposite schedules made it difficult to see him. I never knew about any of the internal struggles that he was dealing with. I wish that I had, maybe we could have talked. Im reminded of a quote I once heard. “War is waste and chaos, that’s what it is. it’s the most profound waste of life, time, sprit and treasure know to man. War is an obscenity and we say however that it is preferable to subjugation, and it is. The time and place and cause of war however we may characterize it is most times beyond our control and they are most certainty beyond the control of a soldier. All Soldiers suffer in war and their families suffer equally”. SPC Akin lost his war, and we are left to wonder why. We may never know. It is not our place to remember how he fell, but rather to remember how he lived. To remember the memories that we shared with him. Ive talked extensively with members of his platoon, and they are just as shocked as I am. But I am comforted by one thing. The fact that immediately after hearing the news, our brotherhood banded together to remember his life. We shared stories of conversations and adventures we have all had. I can only hope that you too will be able to remember his life and share a story. My thoughts are with his family during this difficult time. From everyone at Meddac, our family at 1-6INF and his platoon, the Hooligans, you will be missed, more than you could know. Gone but never forgotten…”
I had actually gotten through it. I did it right. The final remarks were made and we filed down and rendered our final salute. With a grasp of his hanging dog tags off of his rifle I placed our deployment patch at his boots and finally walked away. It was very hard to keep it together through all of that but I had done it. Little did I know that this would not be the end of my journey.
I had brought it to the attention of the command that I was willing to escort the body home if needed, that it would be my honor. The response I got was that I would have to pay my own way. The reason for this was that there was already an escort and there only needed to be one. We talked about it and I was just not going to be able to afford the flight. The senior NCO, who was the escort, said that he would pay for half of the flight so that I could go. I was in shock. The flight was ultimately paid for by the command so that I could go as well. Right after the service we went to a building and talked to mortuary affairs. We received our briefing about how everything was handled and all the paper work involved. Believe me there was a lot of paper work involved. This was going to be one hell of a process with a lot of moving parts. But somehow everything would work out.
We left Saturday morning at 0730. It was an hour and a half trip up to the funeral home where Akin was staying. Once we arrived, we were greeted by the staff, led into a large area where the casket already was. We had to verify the body, which we had to do several times, its part of the process. His dress uniform was draped over the body and was perfect, everything was where it should be. The casket was closed and was draped with the flag, a salute was rendered and Christopher was loaded into the back of the hearse. From that moment on we never left Akins side. We would be with him for his entire trip home. With the NCO in the front seat and me following in my truck behind we departed for the airport.
Its impossible not to notice the reaction from people as you pass by. They immediately knew what happened. Almost everyone slowed down and did not pass us. They let Christopher go first, Simi trucks flashed their hazards, and for the short time to the airport, Christopher led the way. We were escorted into a back area where cargo hangers were all in line. We unloaded the casket and took him to a waiting area while the plane was prepared for departure. While he was unloaded a salute was rendered, and as we turned around and began walking with the casket I noticed the cargo workers. Not a lot of them maybe 3 or 4, but they were all standing there as we walked into the holding area. One at a time we were led through the back areas of the terminals so that we could check in and then return back to the holding area. One at a time so that Christopher was never alone.
About an hour went by as we were waiting for the plane to arrive and be prepared. The ground crew introduced themselves and explained what was to be expected so that we were never out of the loop. We were told that all the passengers baggage would be loaded but the passengers would be held at the gate. We were taken one by one to the plane down the tarmac, we were positioned to the side of the ramp and met by several southwest workers as well as the Captain of the flight. With the utmost respect the casket was loaded onto the ramp and began to move up toward the plane, again a salute was rendered and the casket was secured in the belly of the plane. As I turned around I noticed that there were several people watching from the terminal windows, standing, no one moved. We were led up the stairs and into the plane, we were the first ones on. After everyone was on board the captain come over the PA system. He introduced himself and told the passengers the typical flight information. Then he said that he was honored to be transporting Christopher Akin home. Ill be honest, I got a little choked up.
As we landed in Kansas City, MO the pilot again came over the PA system and asked that the passengers remain seated so that we may get off the plane. We were led down the stairs again and stood next to the ramp. We rendered our salutes as the casket came down the ramp. As we stepped away you couldn’t help but notice everyone standing there watching. Workers removed their hats and stood in silence. We were escorted to another hanger where we would wait for our connecting flight. We waited for word that the next plane was on the ground. I remember calling my mother, telling her I was in Kansas City. I told her I was blown away by the support and professionalism of the staff here. I told her I better go cause we would be moving soon, and shortly after hanging up we were on our way towards the next plane.
Again a salute was rendered and Akin was loaded into the plane. The Captain was on the ground with us and also saluted. We were soon airborne and in route to Nashville TN. We knew that there was going to be an Honor Guard when we arrived but knew little else. Like I said before there were many moving parts. Several different groups all working together. Once we landed, again everyone remained on the plane and we were escorted down to the ground. TSA had their own honor guard on the ground. The workers climbed into the plane and prepared his casket. They refused to let him come down on the ramp. Six men carried him down. They placed the casket and escorted him to another hanger where the honor guard was waiting. The casket was carried by the honor guard to the center of the hanger and honors were rendered. This was the first time I saw the family. I was really nervous about the reaction of the family to us, but as I watched his mother, Father and Sister walk forward towards that flag draped coffin I started to loose it. I remember thinking “keep it together, don’t do that here” and I bit the inside of my cheek. I watched that family’s pain and agony as they saw their son in a casket. Now I don’t have any children so I can only imagine what they were going through but they’re faces said it all. My heart just broke for them. There was a small ceremony held there with several family and friends. Everyone came up and paid their respects. Then Akin was loaded into the hearse and we started the long trip back to Paducah, KY.
Paducah was about 2 hours away from Nashville. We started up the highway with about 8 cars in a row. It was a long trip up but we got to the funeral home and the honor guard unloaded the casket and headed inside. Once we were inside we again verified the body and made final corrections to the uniform that was draped over the body. No one would see the uniform but we made sure that it was perfect. Once the casket was closed, the family was escorted in and allowed to spend time with him. His Mother and Father approached us and thanked us. The NCO that was with me said some of the kindest words one could possibly say in that situation. I was blown away and for someone who was extremely nervous about that moment handled himself with grace and compassion that I have never seen. I know that must have been very hard for him, but more so for the family. All I could do was offer my condolences, I don’t have the capability that he does. The funeral home was littered with flowers from family and friends. Soon we were headed to our hotel for the night. Akin would be staying in the funeral home over night until the service in the morning. We checked in and changed, soon we were headed to get some food. It was much needed, we hadn’t gotten the chance to eat all day. The day had drawn to a close and I think I feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I knew the next day was going to be just as hard.
We woke up and got dressed again for the service. We made our way to the funeral home and opened the viewing hall where the casket had stayed all night. The family had beaten us there and were already inside. I don’t think I could have even left if I was them. I told them that I had served with Akin in Iraq, and told them some stories that I remembered about him. For the first time I saw his father smile. It was a relief to see that, if only for a second.
One by one family and friends funneled into the hall and walked by to pay their respects. We sat in the very back as to let them family pay their respects. It wasn’t important that we were there. But still we never left him. I noticed that the patriot guard riders outside maybe 2 dozen of them or so. For those of you that are not familiar with who the patriot guard riders are, they are a group of riders that escort fallen soldiers and public service members to their final resting place. They also were there for the funeral of my friend Bart who fell in combat. I walked out and thanked them for what they do. I think it is an incredible service they do out of the kindness of their hearts. It was soon time to head over to the church for the mass that they were to hold. The honor guard came and carried the casket and loaded it into the hearse while we saluted. The patriot guard riders were already in place and there was also a police escort. Once we started moving, the police stopped traffic and stepped out of their patrol cars and saluted as Christopher passed. The procession was moving very slowly down the street. And although we didn’t have far to go every vehicle pulled over and stopped as we passed. Some people got out of their cars and stood. As we turned into the church another officer saluted and the patriot guard riders led us into the entrance. The casket was removed by the honor guard and led into the church where mass was held for the family. We stood at attention in the entrance while the service went on. Once the service was over we moved Christopher outside where Taps was played and a 21 gun salute. I tried to keep it together but Taps always gets me. The flag was folded and presented to the mother. Christopher was then carried and loaded into the hearse and taken back to the funeral home.
It was one of the hardest things to go through but it was a very humbling and honoring to be a part of it. But for now it was over, we went back to the hotel and changed and went out for some food. I was joined by 3 guys that were in his platoon. I cant tell you how amazing it was to see these guys after a year of being gone. We drank and smoked and shared stories all night and I can honestly say it was one of the best nights that ive had in a very long time. We all went through war together and no one else can understand what you’ve been through except those that were next to you. I had a Great night, funny how such joy can come from such sorrow. But that’s the way our life is, something tragic can bring brothers back together and remind us of what is important in life.
It was back to Oklahoma for me the next morning and it was a pretty long trip. But I had a lot of time to reflect on what I had been through. Not every Soldier gets the opportunity to go through what I had gone through. Its not something that should be sought out but it is an honor. it’s a horrible thing to know that a Soldier fell but the grace and humility of what I witnessed was far beyond anything I ever expected. I witnessed true human compassion in its purest form. I watched a family that went through the worst experience of their life still smile and embrace the hardship with grace and love and compassion. They are an incredible family and I am still in awe of them. Also if anyone of them reads this I want them to know that if there is anything they need all they need is ask.
In closing I want you to maybe understand what goes into something like this. I wanted to tell a story of travel and human interaction. Were all so busy with our own lives and we grow unconcerned with everyone around us, But I witnessed so much respect and caring from everyone that we encountered. But most of all, This is a story about Christopher Akin and his final trip home. He was our brother and he will never be forgotten….
Eric
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
something new...
Hello all,
I cant believe its been over a year since I’ve posted anything. A lot sure has changed, being back from combat for over a year now seems so strange. It seems like yesterday that I was over there walking around in 135 degrees. It feels great to be back in the states once again. Well almost, After leaving Germany in September I was relocated to Fort Sill, Oklahoma. It sure is a shock to be here in the mid-west. Life sure does move a lot differently around here. This place really has nothing to do in the surrounding areas, having to travel over an hour to do anything somewhat entertaining. I work in the Emergency room at the hospital on base. I’ve been here for 9 months now and it still takes some getting used to working with civilians. It seems very unorganized, and at times very frustrating. These co- workers of mine are nothing like the soldiers I used to be with. It seems I’ve grown accustomed to working with combat oriented doctrine. And although there are a few that I work with that have experienced similar circumstances, there is something to be said for going through combat with your brothers. There’s a connection there that is unparalleled by anything that I have experienced so far. But on the other hand I’m no longer working with the infantry, so it makes sense that everything has changed. There are so many people that I work with that I truly like and get along with but there’s just that atmosphere that I guess I grew accustomed to and never really adjusted to hospital life. I know I’m not meant to be a hospital medic. I’m meant to be out there, doing my job when its truly needed. I will take what ive learned here to become a better medic and that’s all that I can do. One must learn from every experience in life, otherwise what the hell are we doing here?
I have started a new chapter in the Army life, I’ll be going to Flight Medic School in January. Flying around in a Blackhawk, picking up and treating the most severely wounded Soldiers from the battlefield seems right up my alley. I can finally get back to what’s important to me, get back to doing what really matters. I can’t wait for it to begin, and ive already received orders too. Ill be stationed at Fort Bragg, NC working with the 82nd Airborne Combat Aviation Brigade. I couldn’t think of a better place to be and I am really looking forward to working with that unit.
Living here on this base has felt like a constant duality inside me. I think it was important to come here to learn more and help me come to terms with a lot that happened while I was deployed. I still deal with the loss of Bart on a daily basis, it was such a catalyzing event in my life and it is forever imprinted on my soul. But I think for the first time in my life ive been able to accept what happened. Its torture living with that every day but it’s a torture ive come to embrace. Do I still have nightmares? Of course, I think that’s normal after experiencing some of the things I have. I don’t think its normal to go through anything like that and not be affected. Then I would think one would have a problem. I am human, and at times, as much as I don’t like to admit it, I am weak. I cant have my armor on all the time. And its surprising when you doing some mundane simple task and a memory pops into your head. A good conversation on the balcony sharing a Monster, A fire fight that we laughed about after wards. My friends and family that I have lost both home and overseas will always be with me. Bart, Ryan, Grandpa, Brandon, Gonzalez, Grandma. These memories I have I will never forget, and I will cherish every day spent with you. Its been a tough year, but this is life. And ive come to the conclusion that no matter what life hands you, you can take it. “Scar tissue is thicker than normal tissue, realize the strength and move on” - Henry Rollins.
Ive also met one hell of an amazing woman, Wendi. We started seeing each other when I returned from Iraq and its been incredible ever since. Ill be moving Wendi out to Fort Bragg when I get there, I cant wait to see what happens from here. Unfortunately she lives out in California and with my being stationed in Oklahoma, we don’t get much time together. But we get by with what we have, we make it work, and I couldn’t be happier. Its going to be incredible to be able to see her every day. I cant wait…
So that pretty much catches us up with everything that has happened in the last year, ive been busy and have many changes ahead of me, but I look forward to every change and challenge with an open mind and im really liking where my life is headed. Good bye for now everyone,
Eric
I cant believe its been over a year since I’ve posted anything. A lot sure has changed, being back from combat for over a year now seems so strange. It seems like yesterday that I was over there walking around in 135 degrees. It feels great to be back in the states once again. Well almost, After leaving Germany in September I was relocated to Fort Sill, Oklahoma. It sure is a shock to be here in the mid-west. Life sure does move a lot differently around here. This place really has nothing to do in the surrounding areas, having to travel over an hour to do anything somewhat entertaining. I work in the Emergency room at the hospital on base. I’ve been here for 9 months now and it still takes some getting used to working with civilians. It seems very unorganized, and at times very frustrating. These co- workers of mine are nothing like the soldiers I used to be with. It seems I’ve grown accustomed to working with combat oriented doctrine. And although there are a few that I work with that have experienced similar circumstances, there is something to be said for going through combat with your brothers. There’s a connection there that is unparalleled by anything that I have experienced so far. But on the other hand I’m no longer working with the infantry, so it makes sense that everything has changed. There are so many people that I work with that I truly like and get along with but there’s just that atmosphere that I guess I grew accustomed to and never really adjusted to hospital life. I know I’m not meant to be a hospital medic. I’m meant to be out there, doing my job when its truly needed. I will take what ive learned here to become a better medic and that’s all that I can do. One must learn from every experience in life, otherwise what the hell are we doing here?
I have started a new chapter in the Army life, I’ll be going to Flight Medic School in January. Flying around in a Blackhawk, picking up and treating the most severely wounded Soldiers from the battlefield seems right up my alley. I can finally get back to what’s important to me, get back to doing what really matters. I can’t wait for it to begin, and ive already received orders too. Ill be stationed at Fort Bragg, NC working with the 82nd Airborne Combat Aviation Brigade. I couldn’t think of a better place to be and I am really looking forward to working with that unit.
Living here on this base has felt like a constant duality inside me. I think it was important to come here to learn more and help me come to terms with a lot that happened while I was deployed. I still deal with the loss of Bart on a daily basis, it was such a catalyzing event in my life and it is forever imprinted on my soul. But I think for the first time in my life ive been able to accept what happened. Its torture living with that every day but it’s a torture ive come to embrace. Do I still have nightmares? Of course, I think that’s normal after experiencing some of the things I have. I don’t think its normal to go through anything like that and not be affected. Then I would think one would have a problem. I am human, and at times, as much as I don’t like to admit it, I am weak. I cant have my armor on all the time. And its surprising when you doing some mundane simple task and a memory pops into your head. A good conversation on the balcony sharing a Monster, A fire fight that we laughed about after wards. My friends and family that I have lost both home and overseas will always be with me. Bart, Ryan, Grandpa, Brandon, Gonzalez, Grandma. These memories I have I will never forget, and I will cherish every day spent with you. Its been a tough year, but this is life. And ive come to the conclusion that no matter what life hands you, you can take it. “Scar tissue is thicker than normal tissue, realize the strength and move on” - Henry Rollins.
Ive also met one hell of an amazing woman, Wendi. We started seeing each other when I returned from Iraq and its been incredible ever since. Ill be moving Wendi out to Fort Bragg when I get there, I cant wait to see what happens from here. Unfortunately she lives out in California and with my being stationed in Oklahoma, we don’t get much time together. But we get by with what we have, we make it work, and I couldn’t be happier. Its going to be incredible to be able to see her every day. I cant wait…
So that pretty much catches us up with everything that has happened in the last year, ive been busy and have many changes ahead of me, but I look forward to every change and challenge with an open mind and im really liking where my life is headed. Good bye for now everyone,
Eric
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