Wednesday, August 18, 2010

something new...

Hello all,
I cant believe its been over a year since I’ve posted anything. A lot sure has changed, being back from combat for over a year now seems so strange. It seems like yesterday that I was over there walking around in 135 degrees. It feels great to be back in the states once again. Well almost, After leaving Germany in September I was relocated to Fort Sill, Oklahoma. It sure is a shock to be here in the mid-west. Life sure does move a lot differently around here. This place really has nothing to do in the surrounding areas, having to travel over an hour to do anything somewhat entertaining. I work in the Emergency room at the hospital on base. I’ve been here for 9 months now and it still takes some getting used to working with civilians. It seems very unorganized, and at times very frustrating. These co- workers of mine are nothing like the soldiers I used to be with. It seems I’ve grown accustomed to working with combat oriented doctrine. And although there are a few that I work with that have experienced similar circumstances, there is something to be said for going through combat with your brothers. There’s a connection there that is unparalleled by anything that I have experienced so far. But on the other hand I’m no longer working with the infantry, so it makes sense that everything has changed. There are so many people that I work with that I truly like and get along with but there’s just that atmosphere that I guess I grew accustomed to and never really adjusted to hospital life. I know I’m not meant to be a hospital medic. I’m meant to be out there, doing my job when its truly needed. I will take what ive learned here to become a better medic and that’s all that I can do. One must learn from every experience in life, otherwise what the hell are we doing here?
I have started a new chapter in the Army life, I’ll be going to Flight Medic School in January. Flying around in a Blackhawk, picking up and treating the most severely wounded Soldiers from the battlefield seems right up my alley. I can finally get back to what’s important to me, get back to doing what really matters. I can’t wait for it to begin, and ive already received orders too. Ill be stationed at Fort Bragg, NC working with the 82nd Airborne Combat Aviation Brigade. I couldn’t think of a better place to be and I am really looking forward to working with that unit.
Living here on this base has felt like a constant duality inside me. I think it was important to come here to learn more and help me come to terms with a lot that happened while I was deployed. I still deal with the loss of Bart on a daily basis, it was such a catalyzing event in my life and it is forever imprinted on my soul. But I think for the first time in my life ive been able to accept what happened. Its torture living with that every day but it’s a torture ive come to embrace. Do I still have nightmares? Of course, I think that’s normal after experiencing some of the things I have. I don’t think its normal to go through anything like that and not be affected. Then I would think one would have a problem. I am human, and at times, as much as I don’t like to admit it, I am weak. I cant have my armor on all the time. And its surprising when you doing some mundane simple task and a memory pops into your head. A good conversation on the balcony sharing a Monster, A fire fight that we laughed about after wards. My friends and family that I have lost both home and overseas will always be with me. Bart, Ryan, Grandpa, Brandon, Gonzalez, Grandma. These memories I have I will never forget, and I will cherish every day spent with you. Its been a tough year, but this is life. And ive come to the conclusion that no matter what life hands you, you can take it. “Scar tissue is thicker than normal tissue, realize the strength and move on” - Henry Rollins.
Ive also met one hell of an amazing woman, Wendi. We started seeing each other when I returned from Iraq and its been incredible ever since. Ill be moving Wendi out to Fort Bragg when I get there, I cant wait to see what happens from here. Unfortunately she lives out in California and with my being stationed in Oklahoma, we don’t get much time together. But we get by with what we have, we make it work, and I couldn’t be happier. Its going to be incredible to be able to see her every day. I cant wait…
So that pretty much catches us up with everything that has happened in the last year, ive been busy and have many changes ahead of me, but I look forward to every change and challenge with an open mind and im really liking where my life is headed. Good bye for now everyone,