Far Removed

Its been some time since ive even wanted to write about anything out here. Its hard to find the silver lining out here when all you see is injuries. Sure your helping and all, but the blood and pain lingers in your aircraft for awhile. Ive been pretty damn good about having a very short term memory but it will always stay with you. The 12 year old boy shot in the face, the soldier riddled with shrapnel, another in uncontrollable convulsions. It takes a toll on us all even if we don’t want to admit it. It stays in the back of your mind, like a suppressed animal clawing to get out of a cage. Its strange, Last deployment I had so much to write about, the people we interacted with on a daily basis, the raids we went on. This time we don’t get those interactions, only when we pick someone up. A quick story of what happened and what they did to help, lasting only a few seconds, then running to jump on the aircraft and do what needs to be done. I think its important to interact with the local populace. Only then can you find out if your work is worth it. You can influence your area either one way or another. Here you find yourself entirely detached and isolated from the fight. I feel like my mission is of great importance but it almost feels as though im just going through the motions. There was so much more the last time around. I truly miss it. Although there was so much bad the last time I never felt more connected to who I was, to my own life. You came to terms with everything in your life and were able to rationalize things down to the simplest form; if you didn’t clean your rifle, it could jam causing the volume of fire to subside allowing them to get off one more round to kills your friend. It was simple, do what is required of you, but not only for you but for your team. There was no politics, no career advancement, no hands in the cookie jar, those things weren’t important out there. I don’t want to sound like im dismissing anything that we do here. As I said before I feel extremely proud of what we do and what we continue to do out here. But there’s a certain aspect that I cant necessarily explain with this one. Maybe a feeling of safety or a misunderstanding of ones mortality, its easy to do especially at 140MPH and 1,000 feet your far from roadside bombs and snipers. We have a few short moments or heart pounding and then we go back to our warm beds and relative safety. Those men out there pound mile after mile, with 80lbs of kit or more, facing whatever it is that comes their way, but together as one cohesive unit…Brothers. I can honestly say I miss that.